About Bananas (or less than half a one, to be precise)


Narr: They were cast away with less than half a banana between them

Sides: Half a banana?

Narr: Less than half a banana

Sides: Oh, it was worse than I thought

Narr: Much! And worser yet was still to come. For, within less than a few days, the less than half a banana…

SFX Dramatic chords

Narr: Had been… Less than half eaten, no less.

SFX Badum-Tish rimshot.

Narr: But, luckily, in those times of want and need and hunger and greed… and… other things… less… was more!

Sides: Really? Does that apply in the case of bananas?

Narr: There was no case of bananas, just the less than half of a one that I mentioned earlier.

Sides: Ah, I see it all now as if it had actually happened.

Narr: Exactly! So, with food supplies perilously low; moral perilously low and the mighty ocean-

Sides: Perilously low?

Narr: No! Perilously high! With the mighty ocean lapping around their ankles…

Sides: What did they do?

Narr: They left the beach and went in search of another banana tree.

Sides: Another banana tree?

Narr: Yes, another banana tree. And they hoped that their search would bear fruit.

Sides: What sort of fruit?

Narr: Why ‘bananas’ of course. What other fruits could they possibly find?

Sides: Depends on the season. It may be too early or too late for some fruits. However, there may have been strange exotic fruits that were perfectly ripe at the moment they were discovered.

Narr: Is that likely?

Sides: Is any of this?

Narr: True.

Sides: How would they know if the strange erotic fruits were safe to eat?

Narr: Exotic!

Sides: What?

Narr: It’s exotic, not erotic, when it comes to fruits.

Sides: Oh, I see. Nevertheless, my question still stands regardless of how erratic the categorising of the fruit?

Narr: It would be a case of trial and error. If they ate the fruit and died a valuable lesson would have been learned.

Sides: But, better still if they ate the fruit and lived?

Narr: Obviously. Which is why they drew lots.

Sides: To keep themselves occupied? Where did they get the paper and the pencils?

Narr: No, silly. The drawing of lots to see whom it was that was to eat the possibly poisonous fruits. You know ‘short straw, long straw’ and the one that draws the short straw…

Sides: Sniffs it.

Narr: Yes, let us say that it’s possible they would.

Sides: And then what?

Narr: Numbers dwindle and hunger increases and numbers dwindle further and hunger increases more and so on until the gene pool is emptied.

Sides: There’s a pool? When they are right next to the ocean?

Narr: Here, have a banana.

Sides: Thanks. Oh, it’s just a skin. Where’s the banana gone?

Narr: It was eaten by a hungry castaway.

Sides: Not a very hungry caterpiller?

Narr: No. I ate it! And I’m glad I did; as the slow release energy that is released slowly from a banana (or even half a banana-

Sides: Or less!

Narr: -Or less, is enough to keep a poorly played character actor going for slightly less than quite a long time.

Sides: Wow! Cor! A-mazing! Excuse me…

Narr: Yes, what is it?

Sides; Is there going to be a point to all this waffle.

Narr: Waffle? Banana on a waffle with a scoop of New Forest Vanilla ice cream… yum, yum, yum, delicious.

Sides: Now you are hallucinating. I want to know if there is a punchline. Is there?

Narr: Yummy banana waffle with ice cream. Perhaps a raspberry sauce drizzled (oh, that’s a good word: drizzled) drizzled quite slowly upon the top in a sort of lazy Celtic knot pattern – how delish!

Sides: Can you be serious for a moment? Where is the punchline?

Narr: There is no punch. There is no line. Just desserts.


2 responses to “About Bananas (or less than half a one, to be precise)

  1. Shoulda seen it coming… didn’t!

    Badum tish! x

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