Monthly Archives: March 2016

A Life for a Life
Like for Like
Was the exchange
And true to life
The new one was lifelike
Like life itself.

Because Life’s Like that.

Round and round in squares they ran
Just like they had read in the current community circular
Three-sided arguments were the order of the day
And given the third degree
They would have gotten into a right tangle.
“Discus this!” they cried
Throwing their sixpennyworth into the ring.
The jury was slow to come round eventually they passed judgment
They were cornered
Everybody’s facets were glazed and hyped beyond the news
Was a tanned gent.

“Guilty!” Was the verdict.

They were sent down.
For a long time
Many, many years
And more
Twice
Which was…
Well, you do the maths.

Holidays are great
Obviously we hate it when they are over
Late-rising becomes a thing of the past
Industry or school or plain old being are the rule
Days dragon, flying they were.
Aardvarks never killed anybody (that I know)
Yesterday we had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun (well, we would have done… if it hadn’t poured down from dusk till dawn till dusk) which left us all forlorn.

Aka The reason why I try and get my week’s work done by Thursday

When I consider that that it is safe to do so
I often dress up as the literary character Robinson Crusoe.
This I do when I am ‘not’ driving;
Neither do I do so when I’m deep-sea diving
(As it could be very dangerous)
And I do have to do this before the weekend
However, I am often rather busy at the start of the week
So, I try and get all my work done by…
Thursday

And if I’m lucky I land on my feet
And if I feel all at sea, is land far away from me

Have you seen this? I think it is amazing. Just wanted to let you know. Grae:)

If you see me walking down the street
It means that I’m still alive
And you are not blind
Unless, with your poor eyesight,
You have mistaken somebody else for me
In which case…
I might be dead!
Unless I am actually here now
Reading this out to you
In which case I am most definitely ‘not’
‘Dead’ that is!
However, if you are reading this as it has been written down…
I may be
‘Dead’ that is!
Or if it is now the year 2070 (or thereabouts)
When I probably won’t be still writing this sort of ‘ripe troubish’
(Which is a cross between tripe and rubbish)
And I will probably be pushing up some daisies somewhere
(Which is not a career choice you are advised of at school).

Chocolate LimerickPlus #4

“Dark or Light? Fruit or Nut?”
These were her words – were they not?
She wanted to know
If we were okay to go
But they all missed the cut
As the suitcase wouldn’t shut
And so we ate them right there in Heathrow.

Chocolate Limerick #1

I wanted to write a Limerick ’bout chocolate – just for fun
But, I decided to write it whilst sat in the sun
And before I’d even begun
The words started to run
And I had to throw the whole soggy mess away.

PS actually, I ate it.

-/-

Chocolate Limerick #2

There once was a chocolate so dark
That it lived in a tree in the park
It called itself Cyril
But was spied by a squirrel
Which ate it for some topical lark.

-/-

Chocolate Limerick #3 (Ha!)

At Easter the Chocolate is lush

And we eat all we can in a rush

From morning ’til night

In this feast we delight

And the results you can see in our tush!

PS ‘Tush’ is another word for our botties

I took my four-door Ford Fordor
To Mordor
To deliver a priority order
They said in the instructions
‘Ring before calling – priority’
I wasn’t at all in earnest of the surety of payment
But, in total sobriety I thought
That it would add to the variety
Show I was willing
And so set off, unaware that I would become the filling between the armies of Saruman on one white hand
and Sauron on the other.
Brother, it was an unexpected journey, and no mistake
A few wrong turns I did take
But, I took a few good companions along for the Craic
So, all ended up well
Except for Borry
Who was pierced with worry
(And a few dozen arrows)
In that valley where the choice narrows.

-/-
All in all the journey there
(And back again)
Was a largely eventful one –
But, I don’t think it will be a regular delivery route.