Food in the Nude!

Well, what picture did you expect? You naughty people.

Well, what picture did you expect? You naughty people.

I eat food
In the nude
But, not usually in public
For ‘that’ would be extremely rude
And just this side of being lewd…
No, Don’t think that I’m a prude
But, streaking whilst chomping
Fresh artichoke hearts
Is looked down upon and frowned upon in these toffee-nosed parts
So, I nibble on sweetcorn
Whilst alone in the buff
Two ears, I find, is usually enough.

Well, once, when I was in Bude,
But, this cannot be applied
To every sea-side resort –
I don’t want to be misconstrued –
Sundry salacious prunes softly stewed
Were by myself viewed in a Bude restaurant
So, I queued
To purchase myself a taste of the delightful food
With some money that I had accrued
(It was just the right amount of cash to flash)
But, being shrewd, I haggled the price…
and then, by mistake I paid the lower price twice!

Anyway, on the purchased prunes I chewed
They were actually really rather tough
And I’d soon had quite enough.

What has all this to do with noshing in the nude
I hear you ask

You: What has all this to do with noshing in the nude?

Me: Thank you.

Well, at the risk of being sued
For being the owner of an inattentive inappropriate inexact attitude
I only allude
To the food at Bude –
The tough old prunes
I chomped and chewed –
To set the mood.

For, as in ‘The Mystery of Edwin Drood’
A novel by Charles Dickens –
A writer of ‘no’ ineptitude –
Writing in a serialised format
As was then so often viewed;
And like the cat with the cream,
who mewed
I do so
to conclude
With a degree of precise certitude
That I will ‘always’
Prefer My food
To be eaten ‘a la nude!’

11 responses to “Food in the Nude!

  1. Thanks for a much needed smile this morning 🙂

  2. What has all this to do with noshing in the nude?

  3. It’s been ages since you posted!

    • I am having a sort of November sort-out and was preparing for it by having a quiet time of thought – rather than the mad creative splurge of writing that I usually do. I aim to get some larger projects sorted if I can in my NaNoWriMo time. This piece was witten for a performance last night – it sort of worked, but my comedy musical pieces were better… again. But, I thought I would post ‘something’ for you.

      Thank you for reading and commenting and thinking about me for the awards, Kim. I’m a bit too shy to accept awards. No, I am the shy type. Except in my writing and my acting.

      Take care


  4. So, that’s where you’ve been. Picking crumbs from your bum, eh? Fun write😊

  5. That’s a rather large Cumberland you’ve got there! 🙂

  6. Hilarious! Though I am seriously starting to worry about your state of mind 😉

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