I eat food
In the nude
But, not usually in public
For ‘that’ would be extremely rude
And just this side of being lewd…
No, Don’t think that I’m a prude
But, streaking whilst chomping
Fresh artichoke hearts
Is looked down upon and frowned upon in these toffee-nosed parts
So, I nibble on sweetcorn
Whilst alone in the buff
Two ears, I find, is usually enough.
Well, once, when I was in Bude,
But, this cannot be applied
To every sea-side resort –
I don’t want to be misconstrued –
Sundry salacious prunes softly stewed
Were by myself viewed in a Bude restaurant
So, I queued
To purchase myself a taste of the delightful food
With some money that I had accrued
(It was just the right amount of cash to flash)
But, being shrewd, I haggled the price…
and then, by mistake I paid the lower price twice!
Anyway, on the purchased prunes I chewed
They were actually really rather tough
And I’d soon had quite enough.
What has all this to do with noshing in the nude
I hear you ask
You: What has all this to do with noshing in the nude?
Me: Thank you.
Well, at the risk of being sued
For being the owner of an inattentive inappropriate inexact attitude
I only allude
To the food at Bude –
The tough old prunes
I chomped and chewed –
To set the mood.
For, as in ‘The Mystery of Edwin Drood’
A novel by Charles Dickens –
A writer of ‘no’ ineptitude –
Writing in a serialised format
As was then so often viewed;
And like the cat with the cream,
I do so
With a degree of precise certitude
That I will ‘always’
Prefer My food
To be eaten ‘a la nude!’