Traffic Update (Radio Oxford)

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    Traffic Update (Oxford Radio) Radio Sketch

Linda (end of an item): … and they were both inextricably locked together at the end of play.

Announcer: Which would just about wrap it up for the both of them. Thank you, Linda. Now, it’s time for an update on the traffic-

SFX Traffic News Jingle (“On the hour – and on the half-hour – Oxford’s traffic news for you!”)

Ann: over to Gavin. Gavin?

Gavin: Hello?

Ann: Hello, Gavin; whereabouts on our busy road network are you today?

Gavin: Hello?

Ann: Gavin! Can you hear me? Where are you, today?

Gavin: Loud and clear, Vince; I’m on the M25 approaching Scotch Corner.

Ann: I sincerely doubt that, Gavin; Scotch Corner is on the A1(M).

Gavin: Is that right?

Ann: I trust my knowledge that it is so.

Gavin: What?

Ann: Yes. What road ‘are’ you on – the M25 is a little off our patch for traffic updates.

Gavin: Hold on; I’ll ask the driver.

(Pause)

Gavin: The driver says were on the No.7a service from Folkestone to Deal. Near to Hever. In Kent.

Ann: Hever? The scenic route?

Gavin: Sorry?

Ann: Never mind. It’s a lovely part of the country; which, for an Oxfordshire Traffic Report, is quite useful.

Gavin: I thought it was strange for the M4 to be single-carriageway in places.

Ann: It would be unheard of. So, how is the traffic in the Hever area?

Gavin: Where?

Ann: Where ‘you’ are!

Gavin: I don’t know; we are currently stopped for the tourists to have a look around the castle.

Ann: Okay, Gavin, I’ll let you carry on with your site-seeing.

Gavin: Right-o!

Ann: And we’ll be back with Gavin in half-an-hour to see how busy the traffic is in the area of the gift shop-

SFX Traffic News Jingle (“On the hour – and on the half-hour – Oxford’s traffic news for you!”)

Ann (aside): And sometime Kent’s.

Ann: And now… the latest gossip from the Oxfordshire Debating Society (gradually fades). Recent debates of the O.D.S. have tended to become over-heated; and one even ended in a case of fisticuffs-

NB – please be aware that the above is nothing at all to do with BBC Radio Oxford, which is a fine institution (and I know, I’ve been in a few) G:)

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