Traffic Update (Oxford Radio) Radio Sketch
Linda (end of an item): … and they were both inextricably locked together at the end of play.
Announcer: Which would just about wrap it up for the both of them. Thank you, Linda. Now, it’s time for an update on the traffic-
SFX Traffic News Jingle (“On the hour – and on the half-hour – Oxford’s traffic news for you!”)
Ann: over to Gavin. Gavin?
Gavin: Hello?
Ann: Hello, Gavin; whereabouts on our busy road network are you today?
Gavin: Hello?
Ann: Gavin! Can you hear me? Where are you, today?
Gavin: Loud and clear, Vince; I’m on the M25 approaching Scotch Corner.
Ann: I sincerely doubt that, Gavin; Scotch Corner is on the A1(M).
Gavin: Is that right?
Ann: I trust my knowledge that it is so.
Gavin: What?
Ann: Yes. What road ‘are’ you on – the M25 is a little off our patch for traffic updates.
Gavin: Hold on; I’ll ask the driver.
(Pause)
Gavin: The driver says were on the No.7a service from Folkestone to Deal. Near to Hever. In Kent.
Ann: Hever? The scenic route?
Gavin: Sorry?
Ann: Never mind. It’s a lovely part of the country; which, for an Oxfordshire Traffic Report, is quite useful.
Gavin: I thought it was strange for the M4 to be single-carriageway in places.
Ann: It would be unheard of. So, how is the traffic in the Hever area?
Gavin: Where?
Ann: Where ‘you’ are!
Gavin: I don’t know; we are currently stopped for the tourists to have a look around the castle.
Ann: Okay, Gavin, I’ll let you carry on with your site-seeing.
Gavin: Right-o!
Ann: And we’ll be back with Gavin in half-an-hour to see how busy the traffic is in the area of the gift shop-
SFX Traffic News Jingle (“On the hour – and on the half-hour – Oxford’s traffic news for you!”)
Ann (aside): And sometime Kent’s.
Ann: And now… the latest gossip from the Oxfordshire Debating Society (gradually fades). Recent debates of the O.D.S. have tended to become over-heated; and one even ended in a case of fisticuffs-
NB – please be aware that the above is nothing at all to do with BBC Radio Oxford, which is a fine institution (and I know, I’ve been in a few) G:)
Graeme Sandford 