Act 2 Scene1
Stage is lit. A uniformed policeman is present. The lights go out as DCI Syd of CID enters. He trips
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DCI: Darn!
The lights go up. DCI is on the floor with the white outline. He stands up with it. DCI: What’s this?
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PC: That’s the outline of the stiff’s body, sir.
DCI: Isn’t it supposed to be in chalk? PC: HSE rules! Dust hazard!
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DCI: Chalk dust! A hazard? You cannot be serious!
PC: Deadly, sir.
DCI: Deadly ‘serious’ or deadly ‘chalk dust’?
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PC: Both! We have to use chalk ‘substitute’.
DCI: It’s ‘Iron!’ Aren’t HSE worried about ‘rust!’
PC: I can’t say.
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DCI: You can tell me I’m a policeman.
PC: You’re a policeman!
DCI: Really! By the way; where has the stiff gone?
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PC: The body of the “deceased” was apprehended trying to buy a drink in the intermission. He wasn’t ‘really’ dead!
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DCI: Constable, let’s pretend that the ‘stiff’ is a real ‘live’ dead man for the moment. The public expects it.
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PC: Make a wish!
DCI: Sorry?
PC: As you wish! Tip of the Slongue.
DCI: Have you been drinking?
PC: Yes, sir, water!
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DC Acey enters. Sees policemen, about turns.
DCI: Have you found any clues, Constable?
PC: Only snooker ones, sir.
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DCI: I’ll let that rest. Where are the suspects?
PC: They were in the bar, too.
DCI: Keep it realistic, constable.
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An unknown lady walks in from ‘out’.
Lady: Is this the ‘Crime Scene?’
DCI: It is.
Lady: Lovely! Thanks!
She leaves.
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-/-
Graeme Sandford 