Act 2 Scene1
Stage is lit. A uniformed policeman is present. The lights go out as DCI Syd of CID enters. He trips
The lights go up. DCI is on the floor with the white outline. He stands up with it. DCI: What’s this?
PC: That’s the outline of the stiff’s body, sir.
DCI: Isn’t it supposed to be in chalk? PC: HSE rules! Dust hazard!
DCI: Chalk dust! A hazard? You cannot be serious!
PC: Deadly, sir.
DCI: Deadly ‘serious’ or deadly ‘chalk dust’?
PC: Both! We have to use chalk ‘substitute’.
DCI: It’s ‘Iron!’ Aren’t HSE worried about ‘rust!’
PC: I can’t say.
DCI: You can tell me I’m a policeman.
PC: You’re a policeman!
DCI: Really! By the way; where has the stiff gone?
PC: The body of the “deceased” was apprehended trying to buy a drink in the intermission. He wasn’t ‘really’ dead!
DCI: Constable, let’s pretend that the ‘stiff’ is a real ‘live’ dead man for the moment. The public expects it.
PC: Make a wish!
PC: As you wish! Tip of the Slongue.
DCI: Have you been drinking?
PC: Yes, sir, water!
DC Acey enters. Sees policemen, about turns.
DCI: Have you found any clues, Constable?
PC: Only snooker ones, sir.
DCI: I’ll let that rest. Where are the suspects?
PC: They were in the bar, too.
DCI: Keep it realistic, constable.
An unknown lady walks in from ‘out’.
Lady: Is this the ‘Crime Scene?’
DCI: It is.
Lady: Lovely! Thanks!