Monthly Archives: September 2014

Laugh-A-Long Limericks for 30th September, 2014

Laugh-a-long edit

If a Wabble is half of a Froggit
And a Gungip Is half still again
Would the cost of an oversize Niggit
Be worth three one-quarters of pain
For the Niggit is vast
And it just wouldn’t last
And if you did buy one and lost it,
would you shout out a Towdle refrain?
-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.1:

Early Limericks (c. 9th century) were written in manuscript form; with monks taking days and sometimes even weeks to inscribe the short poetic form with intricate details and embellish the pages that the Limerick’s words were set upon with accompanying decorative pictures. TRUE / FALSE

-/-

The WOTD

The ‘Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Twang’

Which is quite easy if music’s your thang

But if you’ve a taste

For food – In your haste

You might mention ‘it’ instead of ‘Tang!’

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.2:

The City of Limerick in Eire (modern day Eire or Ireland) was named after the famous Erin Limerick (which is now housed in Limerick Cathedral), The Erin Limerick hails from the very earliest of recorded poetry in Eire / Ireland and is truly an awful poem at its best). TRUE / FALSE ? 

-/-

The top of the world is quite old

And said to be terribly cold

But, what’s it to me

I’m unlikely to be

There for the climbers to behold.

-/-

The Limerick is the mightiest of beasts

Who does hold most uproarious feasts

They occur when the moon

Is eclipsed in late June

That’s if they’re not banned by the priests

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.3:

The Limerick is one of the three ‘true’ forms of poetry as described by the Greeks in 321AD – Aclinius in his ‘History of the Ode’ was at pains to point out that the merit of a ferret in his trousers ‘was’ that it taught him to ‘bear it!’ as he writes it (and ‘the nipping of teeth’ at ‘what lay beneath’ really made a man of him… or not – the Ovidian transation from the old Greek to Latin and since then from Latin to English {Modern day English}  is not one hundred per cent clear). The other two ‘true’ forms are, of course, the ‘Ode – in all its glory’, and the ‘Punning Couplet’ which is making a comeback in some literary circles. TRUE /FALSE ?

-/-

Almost lost is the fine art of spilling

I say this agen, wons moor, and with filling

So mop up your badd wisdom

With a spill-check sisdom

And the clarity it will soon be revilling!

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.4:

The Ombazo Limerick was discovered in 1312 by the banks of the Ombazo River in Wasalla (modern day Umallawoo)  by a Turkish merchant who thought that the stone upon which it was engraved was just a direction post for travellers. Copying down the details and then trying to follow them to get back to a main-trading route, he became irretrievably lost and the inscription parchment with him. The Limerick Stone has long been missing and it was only in 1847 that the remains of the traveller and the parchment were found – just north of Preston (modern day Preston). TRUE / FALSE ?

-/-

The AWOTD

The ‘Alternative Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Drudge’

It’s when you have to eat  fudge

Toffees and creams

Flavours from dreams

And your teeth, clamped together, won’t budge!

-/-

In Ireland upon St. Limerick’s day

In five lines the natives do pray

They recite then they laugh

About a telescopic giraffe

And then merrily go on their way.

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.5:

The Limerick is also the most mathematical of poetic devices. It’s 8 letters relate strongly to themes of Infinity and the Mobius Strip whilst its 5 lines relate to the 5 good things a day that the Greek god, Vega, decreed that the peoples should aspire to – Swedish philosophers have marvelled at the simple, yet effective aabba rhyme scheme and this has also been noted by some of their most popular musicians. The ‘True’ Limerick also has a specific Gravity of 3.142 (rounded up) and is therefore not to be trusted. TRUE /FALSE ?

-/-

A strongman was crossing a ridge

Carrying a stove, a duck, and a fridge

When an old lady flew past

(Carrying all the troubles of the world upon her shoulders)

For her shoulders were vast

And the  strong(ish)man did his strength then abridge!

-/-

September as a month is quite short

But, as they say, it’s better a witty retort

Than a month in a tort

Or a case of Sneezlewort

For putting those days in –  whilst in port.

-/-

Limerick Factumundo No.6:

There are only 5 Factumondoes about Limericks. TRUE /FALSE ? 

-/-

A Limerick walked into a bargain basement

“I’ve come about my temporary placement!”

They said “You’re too short!

But, any storm in a port,

You’ll do till we can find a replacement!

-/-

Thank you for reading these Limericks, I say,

These five-lined behemoths  wot I wrote every which way

I did so all through September

And I hope some you’ll remember

As there’s a quiz on them a week Saturday!

Late-Arrival Limericks for September 29th, 2014

Late Arrival edit

Late-Arriving Limericks are actually below – they have only just got here – so may still be warm from the creative processes – you have been warmed!

The WOTD

The ‘Word of the Day’ it is… ‘Twitter’
To use it won’t cause any litter
Just remember the rules
That newbies are fools
And that may just stop you from feeling so bitter.
-/-
Limerick Rule-of-Thumb No. 1: Whilst a Limerick sets out to be uproariously funny and particularly clever, some Limericks fail on either the first, the second, or both counts – this is sadly often true.
-/-
A man thought he knew D.H.Lawrence
As he’d met him one day whilst in Florence
But the man was a fraud
Whose real name was Claud
And the truth was met with total abhorrence.
-/-
*Limerick Rule-of-Thumb No. 2: Using unusual rhymes gathers more cudos than a cudos-gatherer at cudos-harvest time.
-/-
A veritable sage held his court
With novices that he had taught
He held up a hand
They did await his command
But, he gave them the advice that they sought.*
-/-
*Limerick Rule-of-Thumb no. 3: Not all Limericks are meant to be funny – this is often stated when they don’t really work that well (see above… and below for examples).
-/-
A Limerick decided that he would be prose – he would Walk into a bar and hold up his nose! “Sorry!” he said; and then he held up his head; “I’m a Limerick highwayman, I suppose!”
-/-
In the histories of the statue and the saint
There are always the ones who grow faint
The details too thin
Or concealed within
And what use is a new coat of paint.
-:-
The Thinker was perched on his rock
Considering the whereabouts of a sock
If only he knew. (He thought)
I could almost have two –
But he was suffering from that old ‘Thinker’s Block!’
-/-
A real-life modern-day Casanova
Arrived from Venice at Dover
Chatted up someone’s wife
Tried to run for his life
Got caught, now his wrenching days are over.
-/-
Limerick Rule-of-Thumb No. 4: it’s not through the want of trying that Limerick’s never grow up to be ‘proper’ poems – it has been proven that it is the parents that are usually to blame.
-/-

The AWOTD
The ‘Alternative Word of the Day’ it is… Sporran
To wear one will get the ladies adorin’*
But the wind can be chilly
And can affect your prospects
So wear a suit ‘n’ tie and be borin’*

* This Limerick should be read in a Scottish accent.
-/-
Limerick Rule-of-Thumb No. 5: There is ‘No!’ Repeat ‘No!’ Limerick Rule-of-Thumb No. 5 (see Monty Python’s ‘Bruce’s Sketch’ for detailed analysis of this point!)
-:-
Spike Milligan was mowing his carrot
When he stopped to discuss a red parrot
He added some gin
To one end of his chin
And finished the rest off with claret!
-/-
In the middle of the night
When it’s too dark for light
It’s never that good
To be lost in a wood-
A very precarious plight!
-/-
Limerick Rule-of-Thumb No.6:
There is never a need for more than 5 lines unless the “Limerickist” (they are ‘not-poets’) is trying to be clever (which they invariably are not).
-/-
A pirate who’d sailed all seven seas
Put into port in Belize
He’d been there before
They’d shown him the door
“Can I look at some windows, this time? Please?”
-/-
It was the night before the next day and all through the house
The gossips were stirring – they’d bitch and they’d grouse
“The way things are going…”
“She was all for the knowing…”
And the worst of them all was sarky King Mouse!
-/-
The Last Limerick in a can of Gasoline is invariable almost completely water (as Scott found out to his utter disgust in his 3rd Arctic Limerick Expedition of late 1907).

The Colours – a work in progress – please comment ( I will reciprocate) G;)

image
Black is the shadow of my night
Blue is the colour of my sadness
And as the colour of virginity is white
On my page it is the monument to my Madness
And also to my flag of surrender
Red I forgo, and thus is my danger
Yellow for my cowardice shows
Grey is the dawn and the sunset
And purple is maybe a colour for my prose
Green is the shade of my envy
Pink is… just for the girliest of girls
Orange will not rhyme for me – it rhymes with… nobody
Unless written in Mandarin’s curls.

(Singing)
The colours of my life are all different now.
I’ve lived a long time and they’ve changed somehow;
White and Purple,
Pink and Green,
Think about what ‘could have been!’

‘Shoeless’ Jack Williams (1892 – September 28th 1934)

Died on this day on 1934

‘Shoeless Jack Williams (1892-1934) was an American Blues guitarist who was later on in his life also known as ‘Legless Jack Wiliiams’ after an alligator had a snack on Jack after one of Shoeless’s gigs. This further nickname had nothing to do with any drinking problems.

This has been a ‘madeup production’ story copyright 2014

Romancing the poet

Hear Jane’s words and listen to her voice!

moonworld

Romancing the poet

Where is the romance in a poet who does not feel?
Does he dream, perchance to sleep?
Or does he lay awake all through the night;
words tumbling
round and round,
perfectly structured,
immaculately positioned
ironic parameters,
or the like?

Words worthy of…
a rub… in his tub
Aye! There it is!

While I wait for a love letter from the heart
to ignite my passions,
All that arrives is a not-so-pleasurable ‘B’.

There’s a bee in his sonnet.
Bobbing… buzzing…
A sting in the immaculately coiffeured bee hive styling;
honeycombed ejaculate bursting forth
from his rod of ink;
leaving his mark like skunk stink –
scents to sense his ability for nonsensibility.

Starts from the heart then, starts from his art;
backtracks to the flat-packed shelter of his wit; so it seems.

Where is the romance in a poet who runs from his dreams?

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Strawberry Jam Lid

image

Wilkin & Sons from Tiptree in Essex have printed on the inside of their tiny Strawberry Jam jar’s lids the phrase ‘EAT WELL LIVE LIFE’ just thought that was nice of them…. Thank you, Mr. Wilkins and your sons- Graeme;)

Please go online to: http://www.tiptree.com for  furthering of your knowledge about that place. G;)

8 is an odd number.

image

8 is an ‘odd’ number
But, to say that, you have to do the “odd” action and say ‘odd’ in a… Well, an ‘odd’ way.

8 itself is actually an “even” number, but I still say that it is decidedly ‘odd!’

I mean, if you think about infinity – and who doesn’t? – it’s pretty big! Well, if you put ‘8’ on it’s side… You have ‘infinity!’ That’s pretty… and ‘odd!’ ‘Pretty Odd!’

Also, in addition, and as well… If you can just make yourselves a Möbius strip from a long, thin length of card – one is provided (for you to share) then given a little ‘twist’ and a piece of carefully positioned tape, you can have a one-sided figure 8 that has no beginning and no end – ‘Wow!’ I see you say – I have good ear-sight – ‘That’s amazing – and ‘odd!’ ”

Anyway, I also think that the number 29 is ‘odd’ – but, I’m not sure why.