Monthly Archives: March 2014

Whan That Aprill Comes by Graeme Sandford


Aprill has but thirty days

To live.

And, though She is not yet born,

I deem that She has much to give.


She’ll shower us with sweet-limb’d praise

That oft will take the form of rain

And, though She’s cruel in other ways

Inspires She doth in holt and heth



And, after Aprill, what May come?

‘By The Book’ by Graeme Sandford

It read:


“How many posters have you printed, George?”

“Well… umm… ten thousand for a nationwide ad campaign.”

“And don’t I always tell you to check your spelling and grammar?”

“Yes – and my grandma’s fine.”

“That’s not funny, George. You’ve just wasted a huge ‘fireball’ of money on those misspelt posters.”


“Precisely. Attention to detail is a key component of our company’s reputation. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ‘sock’ you!”

“Don’t you mean ‘sack’ me?”

“No, George, I’m definitely going to ‘sock’ you!”


Charlotte Green’s Voice by Graeme Sandford


“And now on Radio Four…”

My hands are sweating, my throat is dry,
There’s a quickened breathing, then a softened sigh,
I’m in love, and in this matter I have no choice,
I have been smitten by… Charlotte Green’s Voice

Beside the radio, from dusk till dawn
I listen avidly; all forlorn
If She’s not there.
I list again from dawn till dusk
To hear Her voice becomes a must.
Shipping forecast! “Dogger, Bite!”
Oh, what might, happen, oh, what might! (W. Shakespeare, The Tempest)
The silky tone, the fluent word;
Her voice, in my head, must be heard.
I check the website for Her name,
I need to hear Her, which is my shame,
I’m fixated by Her speaking;
In Radio Times, I am now seeking:
Where can She be? Where is the One;
Who will set my heart free, or leave my soul undone?

“And now on Radio Four…”
I hear that She is to go
This was spoken on ‘Her’ radio
And soon no more shall She be heard
Her voice in my head, Her every word
Entering and possessing me will pass and fade
And, I must admit I am dismayed
For She has helped me through the night
With Her silken pronouncements and links so bright
I do not know what I shall do
When She speaks no more to me, – or you.

Perhaps we will run aground upon the Isle of Wight!

The (Poetry) Mugger by Graeme Sandford

The (Poetry) Mugger by Graeme Sandford


There was a man walking through the park

Walking through the park… in the dark!

For a lark!

And I was that man!

I was hoping to be attacked… by the ‘poetry mugger’

He leaps out at you and attacks your mind

With ‘the word’ – the word on the street

And from your toes to your feet –  and, beyond those toes –

You listen… with your ears… and your mind;

And if you ‘don’t’ listen… you won’t find out…

You won’t know what you are missing!

He ‘literally’ inserts a mixture of rhyme and rhythm into you

And plunges it deep, deep, deep…

And he keeps on ‘plunge!, plunge, plunge!’

And your mind is a sponge; you soak up every separate syllable, seeking  something… seeking some thing… desperately seeking… Susan? No, no, no!

Some spark! Some sentient sense! Some Celeriac!!! Sorry, so silly.

The poetry mugger leaves you changed; your cortex re-arranged;

Your mind, altered, shrugs and assimilates the new knowledge within

Is it sinning? No, it’s a new beginning; your head may be spinning; but, in the long run you’re winning.

And talking of running… if it’s not the ‘poetry mugger’ but, some other bugger – run!


Episode 7 of the ‘Toe-in-the-Water’ Radio Show

Episode 7 of the ‘Toe-in-the-Water’ Radio Show

Includes music from Lisa Thorne, Syd Meats and Andrew Pogson; Sketches from Neil Lockhart, Jane Goldsack and the like; Three Men in the Sahara with Katrina Henningham and Craig Heningham; poetry from Damian O’Vitch and Graeme Sandford and others too famous to mench! Best have a listen if you want to know more – G:)