Diarised – Mike Adams

D’you know I’m being diarised
now that’s a first for me
the consultant comes to see me
on Friday, half past three

Yes, I’m really being diarised
What’s that? I cannot guess
I hope it’s not expensive
Is it on the NHS?

It doesn’t seem enchanting,
to be diarised that is…
Should I take lots of glucose
or those giant pills that fizz?

I just don’t like the sound of it
I’m not sure I could spell it
I’m nervous and uncertain
there’s trouble – I can smell it
I telephoned the lady
She’s the one that planned it
and said for my advancing years
surely someone should have banned it

She told me not to worry
said she’d done it all before
and some men quite enjoyed it
and most came back for more

I’ve never once been glorified, nor rarely have been memorised, I was damn nearly mortified when my poisoned thumb was cauterised.
Of course I’m never plagiarised but frequently I’m ostracised as well as son and daughterised and often have been immunised but I’ve never yet been diarised.
I know that I’ve been circumspect, I said that I was nervous, but maybe that’s just me.

I’ll tell you all about it,

on Friday after tea.


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