‘Wonky Words’

Just to let you know that ‘Wonky Words’ is now available on Kindle and as a paperback from Amazon.

My latest (mainly poetry) poetry book, is raising funds for @TheSanctuaryAngels who provide Angel grants to sanctuaries, animal shelters (and the like) all around the world.

Almost 90 pieces of hand-crafted work are within. Some of my photographs, and a few of my drawings accompanying the words – but don’t let my artwork put you off.

Please check it out at Amazon, download a free sample, write me a letter of complaint, go for a walk, be your own best friend, hug a toy hippo (real ones are a bit large for hugging).

Here is the link: https://amzn.eu/d/gfAes71

Take care; but, most of all… take care.

When your brain is having a bit of a day off

When the words that normally flow

have gone somewhere

that only they know,

a degree of silence

may be forthcoming.

Jiggery Pokery

Jiggery was a Pokery –

need I say more?

Well, usually I don’t;

but, this time,

I think that I had better.

‘Two lines make not a poem.’

As a mediocre poet recently wrote.

‘Unless it is a rhyming couplet.’

that self same poet added.

And, thus, a very short idea

is extended to give the reader

the impression

of VFM (Value For Money).

PS I don’t do impressions.

PPS Happy now?

PPPS That may be a rhetorical question.

Meanwhile, back in Ancient Greece

Meanwhile, back in Ancient Greece,

atop Mount Olympus,

the dogs were having a conversation:

‘Did he write, ‘dogs?’

‘He did.’

‘What a wassock!’

‘A what?’


‘What is a ‘Wassock?’ ‘

A ‘Wassock’ is a word used frequently in the Midlands to describe someone who is a bit dim, an idiot.’

‘The ‘Midlands?’

‘Indeed. He’s certainly no Euripides.

White Cat


when the white cat is present,

I feel a little deflated,

less than elated,

and I need to be sedated –

which is not highly rated.


Because my mind is not armour-plated.

Even so, the white cat

is certainly no black dog.

The Princess and the Pea

Now, I’m certainly no princess,

and my battery pack and lead

are not a pea;

but, apart from that…

So, just the one mattress,

a battery pack,

and a lead,

and I slept like a—

no, I didn’t,

I didn’t sleep at all,

and in the morning…

I couldn’t find my battery pack,

and I couldn’t find my lead,

and I couldn’t stop yawning –

strange times indeed.


I helped to save

a grasshopper,

an unknown bug,

and a bit of twig,

from the water

in a water bowl

that I had left out

for a dog,

a hog,

or a hydrophobic frog

on a gap year.

I almost saw myself

as some kind of a saviour;

they probably saw me as a

naughty boy

of long-term bad behaviour,

trying to redeem the voucher of himself.

‘another’ (Monday morning Haiku)

People seemed to like

my Monday Morning Haiku –

I wrote another.



Ghoul ash

The charred and papering remains

of a ghoul,

are not commonly known as ghoul ash;

no, some other thing

bears that name.

Our tortoise escaped

The other day,

our tortoise escaped;

we’d turned our backs

for no less than two minutes;

and that was when he saw his chance.

Through the open gate –

thank you, Postie –

and off up the road;

he led us a merry dance;

who’d have knowd

that a tortoise could reach

such velocity.

We think he was off to the beach, again ;

such precocity,

without a word of goodbye,

or a wave of farewell

(well,he might have waved,

it’s difficult to tell),

and he was gone,

up yon pavement,

(crossing at the crossing)

grabbing a leafy snack

at the passing allotment;

and, with no looking back,

he went off to the sands of the shore,

and the salt of the sea.

We couldn’t catch him;

but, he always comes home

in time for tea.

Mordor – on the Orient Express.

At the London ticket office.

‘No, you can’t get a ticket to Mordor – this train only goes to Venice.’

‘Venice? Can we change there for Mordor?’

‘You can certainly try.’