“Shall we go Parranda, Miranda?”

“Shall we go Parranda, Miranda?”

“Shall we go Parranda, Miranda?”

asked Prospero, with a wry smile.

“Father, you are all a lather,

if you think we can spend a while

in doing so. The answer, it is, ‘No!’ “

A Haiku for You

A Haiku for You

seems to me a bargain swap –

I shall miss you lots.

Weird Nonsense

Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory has been melted down;

the Iron Man has been smelted – frown;

Stig of the Dump has had something of a silent career

in a television program called top gear

And ‘High Noon V’ is a movie hit, the producers, they high-fived it; although it was a remake, of a remake, of a remake… of a remake,

it was every bit as good as the first; but, not quite.

And the new release of the film ‘A Man With No Name’ was pretty much the same, except the title character had a given name, he was called Thomas, for many unknown reasons –

perhaps he is man for all seasons.

All this and more,

although what it means,

I am totally unsure.

I wrote it,

and you can quote it –

if you want to.

PS I found out whilst writing this that there is, strangely, a connection between ‘High Noon’ and ‘A Man For All Seasons’ that just happened to be – weird indeed! G:)

The Poon-ji-ba

Many moonbeams ago,

in a land

where a reluctant ‘Yes’

meant a definite ‘No!’

a Poon-ji-ba stood

by the side of a stream,

as if in a dream,

until it was time

for it to go.

The Giraffe in the Room

“We’re not talking about the giraffe in the room, we’re talking about the elephant in the room; the elephant that everybody has so conveniently chosen to ignore; the elephant that— the giraffe? There is a giraffe in the room? How high is the ceiling? And, more to the point, what’s the giraffe doing here?”

Will & Ben: Renaissance Men – Codpiece Shinola

Will and Ben: Renaissance Men – ‘Codpiece Shinola™️ (or ‘Something of a Poisoned Chalice’)

One day (in the Tudor Merchants ™️Ltd. workshop):

Ben: Hey, Will, I’ve just invented a special new product: ‘Codpiece Shinola™️’.

Will: I’ll be over right away, Ben, this could be our big break.

Will soon agreed that the product was special. The marketing boys were put on the case, and, within a week, the sales team had started receiving orders.

The English Mercurie ran an article on the

‘Miracle Polish for Tarnished Codpieces!’,

with the tag-line,

‘There’s The Rub!

…and sales boomed.

Then the bubble burst.

Not enough testing had gone into the product. Complaints started coming in thick and fast; law-suits were raised and Ben and Will, and their ‘Codpiece Shinola™️’, found themselves dumped by Tudor Merchants™️ Ltd.

It seems that, although ‘Codpiece Shinola™️’ gave a fine shine to tarnished codpieces, after an initial positive response from the users, the lustrous codpieces had started to shrink – some people had to be taken to hospital for surgical removal of the offending items!

Ben and Will sank into something of a decline and waited for their Golden Age to begin again.


Wanted Poster Haiku

Wanted: Criminal;

last seen running away fast –

in stolen trainers.

“Nonsence, complete and utter nonsence!”

Crows in rows,

and Gollum in a column;

can you tell, yet,

that this is going to be

a sort of nonsense poem?

A seagull

and Sméagol,

sharing a field;

one grasps a chip butty,

the other, a mighty ring

he does yield;

but, I shall not tell,

which was which;

and, so, ‘Unfair!’ you yell.

Aragorn was born

on a cool winter’s morn,

and a strapping youth was he;

he called for his pipe,

and he called for his dummy,

and he called for his fiddlers, too.

Which reminds me of Old King Cole,

that merry monarch,

who had a pet Dover Sole,

that he kept in the English Channel.

Once upon a time,

I wrote a little rhyme,

and was as happy as can be –

that also reminds a song to me.

So, it ends,

with crows still in rows,

but, Gollum,

now perched atop the heights

of Nelson’s tall column.

Unexpected Silence

When all has been Babel,

with calmness absconded

to a distant quiet place;

the storm’s sudden cessation

brings an unseen relief to the senses,

that the clamour of sturm und drang

have cut to the quick.

“More Cowbell!”

‘More Cowbell!’ he requested.

I replied, ‘Less is more!’

He was not sure

if that was so,

and, so, asked me this,

‘Are less musicians

good for my financial statisticians?’

I thought.

Then hit that Cowbell

for all I was worth –

a barrel of treacle,

and a spoonful of Earth.

Dr. Foster’s Gloucester Imposter

Dr. Foster’s Gloucester Imposter

posed a pretty puzzle for the Police.

He looked like Doctor Foster,

but, was, as we are told, an imposter;

‘His posture was wrong,

his accent too long,

and his grasp on medicine

was dilute, not strong.’

The Police posted a picture

upon a lamppost;

and awaited a lead –

as did the Police Alsatian,

who was of a needy breed.